Opinion Essays Archives - Page 3 of 3

Relating to Relationships 1: When You’re Meant To Be Married…

Are you pondering the same question that I’ve been questioning myself since the beginning of last year? At this point of our lives, we should have all taken the moment to analyze our current relationships. I mean, we aren’t getting any younger. I’m turning 23 soon! If we’re seeking to be married sometime in our future, shouldn’t we be more serious about how we choose our partners?

I’ve thought of all my relationships throughout my life and I really wonder where I’m headed. Am I the only one who thinks that I’ve never progressed to a love life worth taking to marriage? I don’t want to seem like I’m worried about the wrong things. But I’ve been analyzing my relationships so much lately that it’s gotten to the point that I choose to not think about it after certain periods of the day. I’m looking forward to starting a career, a life, and a family soon. But with the dudes I’ve been dealing with my entire life, I’ve never met anyone I felt is worthy of husband title. I’ve even found myself questioning is there a such thing as true love anymore with this country’s divorce rate being ridiculously high? Is true love even real?

I’m certain I’m not the only person feeling this way because there are many people in the same boat as me, especially on these social media sites we so often post on. We’re all trying to figure out what’s the perfect love. We’re all hoping to find the perfect companion who’ll whisk us away to our future. If you’re not looking for that, you’re fooling yourself because everyone wants to feel loved.

I wanted to write a blog dedicated to addressing the question, “Am I meant to be married?” On Seth Adam Smith’s personal blog-site, he recently addressed that question. He talked of when he questioned marrying his wife. Seth expressed at one point of his engagement to his wife he felt unsure if he was meant to be married because he was unsure if she was right for him. When he asked his father about his feelings towards the subject, his father immediately told him he was being selfish about how he chooses to marry someone.

In Seth’s article, we’re told that when searching to marry someone, you’re not choosing to marry for yourself. You’re choosing to marry for the person you’re marrying, other people around you, and people who’ll be in your future. Seth, in his article, makes it seem like love and marriage isn’t meant for you at all. Though it sounds pretty crazy for someone to say love isn’t meant for you and it’s for who you want to marry, I agree with the guy. But I don’t like it and I’m going to say why I cannot understand how this plays out this way in the real world, though it will always be this way.

I’m simply selfish.
I really don’t understand how to know if someone’s for me because I’m selfish just like Seth. There are times when I don’t want to sacrifice. I haven’t found a person to sacrifice for. Is sacrifice a two way streak? Are we suppose to both sacrifice for each other, or will it work like if I truly love someone, I won’t be looking for favors? I’m the type that searches for equality. If my partner isn’t offering the same as me, why are we even talking? See, I’m selfish.
Love is already hard to define.
How do you know what true love is when you’re loving so many people differently? The love you have for your mother, best friend, and boyfriend are all so different. Do I based the love from my boyfriend as love similar to my best friend? I know my best friend would jump in front of a bullet for me. She’d literally risk her life for me. Would I use instances like that as a basis for understanding true love from my soulmate?
So is Seth’s dad saying that anyone who’s cool with my family and friends is who I ultimately could be happy with?
That’s some bs! I’ve met people that have long term relationships with others and their family can’t stand who they’re with. So marrying someone for the sack of your family is absurd. There’s no selfishness in that at all! You’ve basically given your marriage away if you base your marriage on that.
What about that fire bond you have for someone?
Do we just ignore that type of love? Does it exist? Does it not? I mean it has to exist for those people who stay married for years. Did that feeling develop over time or was it there from the start? I guess that feeling is something that helps people choose when to not to be selfish.

You must be selfless to truly love someone.

I did not come across all these statements alone but with the help of others while questioning them about how they viewed love. As I asked people if they believe they must be selfless in order to love someone, I found that those who answered yes understood how love operates. Those very few people also had long lasting relationships at some point in their lives. I’m not saying that people who don’t believe in the statement, don’t have lasting relationships. I’m actually asking if it doesn’t, how do you stay committed to someone so long if you don’t believe it?

Love absolutely requires sacrifice for someone else but that sacrifice is for your soulmate, no one else is included in that except GOD. So the only thing I’m not agreeing with in Seth’s article is what his dad states about it being for his surrounding family. Marriage is not for the people around me. It’s for my husband, myself, and God. If God blesses me with someone special, I’ll know because he’ll put God first. That’s how you’ll know if you’re meant for marriage. If someone puts God first, they’ll care about their future, people around them, and whoever they’re going to marry. You’re really marrying for God because with him, you experience love. He gives you the experience of selflessness and that’s what’s needed for sacrifice. Sacrifice is what’s needed for an outstanding love. So to put it in simpler terms, when you seek God, knowing if your meant for marriage will eventually reveal itself. In my case, I’m still building on that. I’m still selfish. But I’m halfway there if I can sit here and write this for you to read. If you understand, you’re almost there too.

Seek God and it’ll come! Would you agree? Leave your comments below.

To read my last opinion essay, see What I Really Learned While In College on Doc’s Castle Media.

What’s Your Mental Age? Does It Matter?

What I find to be a common phrase for many people who date outside their age bracket is the fact those people commonly say, “Age ain’t nothing but a number.” Well, it’s true. Have you ever had a moment when you felt like you out grew someone that was doing something you thought was childish but was the same age as you? You were experiencing something I refer to as the “Mental Age Gap.” Everyone goes through it.

The Mental Age Gap happens to everyone. It may even begin in elementary school. For example, If you take the time to watch some kids as they interact in their everyday lives, you’ll notice a child’s mental age gap when you see someone at the age of ten participate in more mature activities, like starting a dance group or writing a book. Those are extensive activities for a child to start. It exhibits leadership and that trait requires some level of mature to take on.

Age means nothing unless authority has some rule over a person’s life. It means someone placed a number on another person to categorize them for activities they can or cannot do. But in reality, without a system of numbers or age, everyone would be equal and literally able to do whatever, whenever they wanted. I’m not saying age is a problem because we do need it for medical cases. I wouldn’t want to say a 6 years old is able to drink vodka without experiencing severe consequences. I’m saying in a matter of interaction with others, a person should be able to meet anyone, no matter the age, and that person can leave a lasting impression without another passing judgment. We aren’t capable of knowing what another is able to do.

Also I wanted to share a link, which is circulating on Facebook more frequently, that gives you the option to check how old you are mentally. I can’t say this is accurate, but it’s fun to do in your spare time. The app said my mental age is 28. I’m really 22 years old. But I commonly get mistaken for 26 or 28, and my results made me chuckle inside because the computer thinks it, too. It could help you understand your current priorities, whether they be good or bad.

Check out www.whatsyourmentalage.com.

What I Really Learned While In College

Today is my lucky day, my special day, a day I will forever remember! Today is my graduation day! I, Taylor Walker A.K.A. Doc, is officially an alumna of University of Baltimore. Not, UMBC! I’m a graduate of UB. I am leaving this school with a Bachelors of Science in Corporate Communications. Man, am I proud of myself.

I don’t think many people understand how hard it was to get through college. It was not easy, especially when majority of the lessons that are learned and will stick with you throughout your entire life, aren’t even school related. These are lessons to help you grow into a brighter and much smarter adult. What I’m saying is that I’ve learned how to become an adult more than learning how to actually market an idea or commnicated for the media, which was what I came to school for in the first place. Attending college was nothing like I expected.

I wanted to highlight four of the most important lessons I’ve learned while attending University of Baltimore. Here are my favorite:

Lesson One: It’s better to ignore negative people than to continue to prove that you’re correct when in a dispute about something very useless in arguing about.

I cannot stress this statement enough! During my freshman and sophomore year of attending UB, I had to learn the hard way. Two instances taught me this lesson but I’ll speak about one. I hung out with a group of friends. We had disputes quite a bit. A lot of those disagreements could have been rumors. I don’t understand why I felt the need to explain or defend myself when dealing with issues in that group. But I know that every time I chose to argue with whoever I was disagreeing with (and I disagreed with everyone in the entire group at least once), it never came out in my favor. Like I was the predestined enemy, I would never win. It actually got to the point where the entire group turned against me. I wasn’t anyone’s friend by the time I started my junior year. By going through my trials with them, I learned friendship offers compromise. No matter how much I reached out to someone to mend, compromise was never accomplished. I was fine with it, too. I don’t have to be anyone’s friend if they don’t want to accept apologies or seek to move pass useless grudges.

We would argue over childish things. It wasn’t until I realized that my word didn’t matter, whether we were cool or not. I decided to move on from that group of friends and the childish things we were arguing about. Afterwards, I made a promise to myself that I’d never be in a situation like that again. I wanted be positive so I made the choice to put all that energy into starting Doc’s Castle Media. I’m really glad that I went through all those problems with those “friends” because all that stress made me turn my anger into something worth my wild. Now I can say to any of those “friends” if they’re reading, thank you for helping me become better than what I use to be.

Lesson Two: School only teaches you the formula for how to do something. It doesn’t mean you know how to do it.

Like for real, this is a very important one. Majority of the academic lessons I supposedly should’ve learned in my major classes, I already knew from being prepared by a team of awesome teachers at Milford Mill Academy. Seriously, I literally question the purpose of taking up corporate communications as a major sometimes. I don’t want to take all the credit away from UB but the only stuff I can recall learning are from my general education classes because those classes taught me something I was far from interested in studying. Like in my African History class, I learned a lot about different African cultures that most Americans don’t take the time to learn about because of excessive exposure to stereotypes. I’m very appreciative for taking that class. But that wasn’t my plan. It was thrown on my schedule. Another class I could give credit to is my graphic design class. I knew nothing of it. So it was worth taking.

I learned more from my internships and volunteering for small businesses around Baltimore City than sitting in class. Working for multiple companies taught me the life of a professional corporate employee. I was taught through experience how to navigate the business world. I took it upon myself to value what I could be taught through first person encounters. I’ve gained so much wisdom and I loved every second of each opportunity that was given to me. I can’t wait to apply my new skills to whatever job that hires me!

Lesson Three: In many cases it’s not about what you know, it’s who you know. But what you know definitely gives a little push.

While working at all of those internships and volunteer opportunities, I met some very important people who led me to more important people. Their recommendation pushed me further along with my dedication and hard work. I guess, because I worked so well with them, they wanted to see me do better. I was never lazy when it came to learning from my opportunities so I know my dedication gave me that extra push. My drive meant something to those people I’ve worked for in order for them to recommend me to others. I would never say it was solely their word that opened doors for me. But when it comes to applying to jobs, I find myself seeking to build relationships and not only submitting an application. I do this while continuing to show how dedicated and hard worker I am. Relationships are very important. But that extra push shows credibility.

Lesson Four: Love can wait.

This is a more recent lesson I’ve learned that I feel may have to be a separate blog for me to expand more on. Love is too complicated sometimes at such an early point in anyone’s life. It’s definitely something a person shouldn’t draw a conclusion on if they’re uncertain of the love for their self. I’ve spent so much time with my attention on so many guys that I thought they loved me when I should have spent that time loving myself. Instead of seeking satisfaction from them, I could have read an entertaining book. A lot of those emotional roller coasters I put myself through could have been avoided. Trial and error taught me it wasn’t worth it in the end. I don’t have to add their sadness and unwillingness to be happy into my life to ultimately bring me down with them. Gah!

I’m way ahead of a lot of people who I tried to drag along with me. I can’t bring people with me who don’t want to willingly come, or I can’t want better for someone who doesn’t want to improve on their own. I learned to let things go. You can’t force anything! What’s meant to be, will happen so I’m free, I guess. I’m single and not ready to mingle at all. I talk to no one and I’m not lonely. I’m really happy. If a guy wants to join in with my happiness, he’ll have to prove that he’s not trying to force love for himself either. If he is, I’ll see straight pass his phoniness and push him away to keep myself content. I’m over being pushy LOL.

Mmm, check out my graduation cake in honor of Doc’s Castle Media!

With all these lessons, I’ve become humble and grateful for making mistakes. I’m not afraid of what’s next. But I do wonder why college molded me into this more than taught me marketing or communication. Oh well, it’s over! Amen to that!